Honest Injun
Earlier today, a group of manly men got together to eat and discuss the finer things in life. We got to talking about being upfront with spouses and potential spouses about our past. Some of the men said that if something occured earlier in their lives that had no bearing on their current relationship, they wouldn't say anything. The particular example being bandied about was what the French call a "menage a trois." Others said that no, if you're in a committed relationship, you have to tell the other person.
I didn't really share my views besides a few side comments and some shaking of my head. But this is how I feel. I think my wife/potential wife has the right to know anything that she wants about me. Some men might think I'm being too giving in this notion and there are some things that should always be sacred. To them I'd ask, sacred how? I almost feel like I would would want her to know me inside and out. Warts and all. I think that's the beauty of marriage. If I'm afraid that she won't love me anymore because of something I've done in the past, I shouldn't have married her in the first place. Consequently, I don't feel like my spouse should have to keep any secrets from me (unless it involves my birthday or Christmas).
Maybe I'm just too idealistic. Or maybe it's something else. I dunno.
posted @ 5:50 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
I've never understood the concept of not telling people (particularly in a close relationship like a marriage) things about yourself and the path you've taken to get to where you are. If we can't trust each other to extend grace, then how can we trust our relationships at all.
I'm terrible at keeping "secrets" so I tend to share and talk about all of this stuff anyway, but I sometimes think that this is one of the reasons I'm so unsuccessful at having a relationship with someone who shares my faith. Christian men seem so much less able/willing to love and accept all of me than the non-Christian men I meet. It's too bad because I really would like to be in a relationship that is grounded in a common faith.
I'm rambling now... :) Hope you've had a great weekend! Sorry I still haven't knitted you a hat. ;)
Let me start by saying, 'I don't know.' But really this is what my thought was. If sharing a specific thing about your past will do nothing but damage the relationship, is it really worth it. I am not proposing lying. If you are asked, you should tell the truth, but I didn't know if it was worth telling your darkest, most horrible secrets when nothing positive can come from them.
To be honest, no one is ever going to share every single feeling that they ever have with their spouse.
Well first for Lara, no worries on the hat. But winter is coming back soon!
Second, in relation to something Matt said, I want to base my marriage on the same love and acceptance that Christ has for me. So maybe I'm just a dreamer, but I believe that love would overcome any dank, dark, damaging secrets that any of us have.
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